The Dame Liked Knives

Dame liked knives – that’s how I knew she was different.  And her curves were dynamite, just waiting to go off.  I could hear the timer ticking away in my head.

Tall, blonde, blue eyes.  She was none of those things, but tell her that any of that made her less of a woman, and she’d give you an Enzo Angiolini enema.  Not one of those half-inch pump deals either.  No.  Full-on high-heel – up – the – kiester.

Usually dames don’t kick this much ass, and I gotta say I was a little intimidated.  But I wasn’t about to let her ruffle my feathers and compromise my calm, cool exterior.  It wasn’t easy – just looking at her made me feel like I’d been hit with a soft-tipped slug from a snub-nosed .38.

Her voice brought me back from my reverie.  “Are you saying I don’t rate a .45?”

Damn… I hate it when I talk out loud, but she was making me crazy that way. “Whoa…” I replied.  “We just met, babe.

“Give it time.”

She smiled and added “By the way… soft-tips are out.  It’s Hydra-shoks now, tough guy.  More bang for your buck.”

Kablam!  Said my heart.

Boom-boom!  Said the rest of me.

I was losing the fight fast, going down for the count.  I had to snap out of it and get back to business.  “Why me?”

“It’s you or Captain Kirk,” she replied, looking at her nails, “and you seem more stable.”  I raised an eyebrow and she added, “After all, he is an actor, and I don’t need the drama. Besides, you make me laugh.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere, baby-doll,” I said, staring into those deep brown eyes.  “So, tell me what it is you really want.”

For just a second her pretense fled like a second-story man into the night, and with a look of resignation she said “If you’re gonna make me say it, I’ll say it.”

“You gotta say it,” I said.  “Or we’ve got no business, per se.”

“Alright then,” she said.  “I’ll say it.  But listen up because I’m only saying it once.  I may not be the girly-girl type, but deep down inside I just want what they all want, and what I want is love.  Find – me – love.”

I said, “Sweetheart…


“I’ll take your case.”

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